John Concrane November 17, 2023

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While the idea of love, at first sight, may seem romantic, it is not necessarily a realistic expectation. It takes time to truly get to know someone and establish a deep connection. Instant attraction and infatuation can be powerful, but building a lasting relationship requires more than just physical chemistry. The belief in a single, perfect soulmate who completes us is a popular myth perpetuated by movies and books. This idea can create unrealistic expectations and put undue pressure on relationships. It is important to recognize that compatibility is a result of shared values, interests, and goals, rather than just a mystical connection.

Don’t…be too rigid when it comes to partner requirements. Don’t be quick to dismiss the person if they have not ‘ticked off’ all your boxes as most relationships grow and evolve with time. Do…end things amicably if it doesn’t work out with someone. They may not be right for your romantic life but could still be a good work connection or friend. It’s a great way to expand your social circle and potentially meet a new love interest through that link in future.

Many of us have extensive prerequisite checklists before even considering going on a first date. Maybe you want someone who is exactly like you, whether it’s interests, religion, or background. Maybe you’re not looking twice at people who have a certain dating history, are over a certain age, or own a cat (because you’re way more of a dog person). While shared values are crucial and compatibility is often determined by similarities, try getting to know someone before making assumptions based on your prerequisites. The only “prerequisites” you need are your non-negotiable values, like kindness, integrity, and humor. Otherwise, base opinions on how you feel, not off of a checklist. Pay attention to the person in front of you and try not to project a narrative or assign meaning to traits before you even know the person. Ask questions and genuinely care about why someone is the way they are before determining whether or not they are for you.

If she feels you are head over heels for her for no apparent reason, she’s not going to give you the kind of respect and attention you want. Hence, even if you’re head over heels for her, control yourself. Learn to reveal how you feel gradually. Make it seem natural, as though you fall deeper in love as you learn more about her. When she sees that your love for her is based on something real, she’s going to appreciate and value it more. Though there are rare occasions where ladies make the first move on the guy, those are exceptions, not the rule. In reality, guys make the move on the woman. That’s just how it is. And if you want to wait on a lady to make the move on you, it may never happen. Besides, if you want a woman, why would you be waiting for her to make the move on you?

A man that is calm and put together has a unique aura. It’s no wonder why fictional characters like James Bond are portrayed as calm and collected people. A calm man is the opposite of an anxious and needy man. He has mastered himself. A woman can feel safe with him because he has a demeanor that makes you feel like nothing can go wrong with him. He gives you the impression that he’s a man who can handle himself. When he’s in a conversation with a woman, he sits with his shoulders back, looking at the woman straight in the eye. And since we pick up the dominant energy in social interactions, women also feel calm and relaxed around him, making them enjoy his company.

Communicate your preferences: Share your needs and preferences early. Many times, people are concerned they will appear “needy” or “high-maintenance.” No, you are setting expectations. If your work requires you to be on virtual calls most of the day and you cannot text or call during the day, communicate this and let the other party know when you are available. If you prefer daily check-ins, even just a little text to say hi, let the person know. Are you punctual? Express your appreciation for being on time to dates. Are you constantly running late? Give your date a heads up and apologize in advance.

Repeat after me: Dating should be fun. It should not feel forced, boring, painful, or sad. If it’s not enjoyable, you’re either putting too much pressure on each date, feeling self-conscious about dating, or focusing on the wrong things. Remember that dating is not intended to have only one outcome. Every experience—whether it’s a date, Tinder conversation, or a few months of dating—brings you closer to clarity.

There’s something about the end of one year and the beginning of a new one that naturally inspires you to take stock of your old habits and start some smarter ones. This well-researched phenomenon is called the “fresh start effect” — landmarks, like a new year, motivate people to set goals. If your goal involves figuring out how to find love in 2022, I’ve got news for you: you don’t have to spend hours tirelessly swiping on those dating apps to attain that happily ever after. In fact, many of the best dating tips I have to offer have nothing to do with looking for other singles, but rather, working on yourself. The more time and effort you put into examining and changing the patterns that are keeping you “stuck,” the more likely you are to recognize real love with lasting potential when you find it. In short, it’s time to turn inward. What shortcomings may be preventing you from attracting the partner you desire? What unhealthy beliefs or tendencies are driving you toward toxic people? How can you build yourself up so that you have the confidence to go after what you want, and the resilience to handle rejection when it doesn’t work out?

So, what’s your pattern? Do you procrastinate on committing until the other person gets fed up and leaves? Do you get friend-zoned with every woman you like? Do you keep ending up with narcissists, cheaters, or flakes? It’s time to figure out why you’re making these decisions. Once you understand the root cause of your tendencies, you can start making modifications that promote healthier relationships. For example, if you always end up in the friend zone because you don’t have the confidence needed to make a move, then you’ll want to focus on building your self-esteem. By the way — a dating coach can help you with this. I’ve coached many men on being more assertive and self-assured in their dating lives so they can find love, not just friendship, with the woman of their dreams.